"GUESS WHO-OO??!!"

An unknown number calls on a fine birthday night, and a deep voice at the other end says, "Many Happy Returns of the Day!! Guess who??" Ordinarily, I would have raised an interested eyebrow at the nice voice, but the 'Guess who-ing' put me off. I normally get snappish the minute anybody starts this, but I know I should be nice when people call up to wish.. With a timer ticking away inside my head, I play along, injecting a smiling note in my voice.

"Thank you sooo much.. Can you pleeease tell me who this is?"
"Go on, guess away"
"I've no idea really.. Is it X (arbit guy's name)?" [Tick tick]
"No... but who's X? Hmm hmm, some new guy on the scene, eh?"
"Umm.. no, nobody really. Seriously now, who is this?" [Tick tick tick]
"Nobody? Hmm.. but you want it to be him, na.. Something's cooking here!!"
"Nothing's cooking anywhere. (Voice turning cold) I think it is time you tell me who you are now. I'm kinda done guessing." [Tick tick TICK]
"No no, you've gotta guess.. Come on, give it another shot. You Know Me.."
"Really? (Face turning red) Oh, are you-- sorry, second call, will be right back!!" [Beep]

As I discovered much later, it turned out to be a friend's (boorish) friend, somebody I am no longer connected with.

It is even more difficult when relatives do it, because then there is no way one can afford to be considered rude. One does not want the family name to be sullied due to lack of control over temper. So even at weddings and marriage receptions, when asked, point blank, "Sooo, do you recognise me?", you politely nod agreement, all smiles. You hope he will not ask you to tell him who he is, whilst all the time racking your brains. You desperately cross fingers, hoping for a timely interruption. You dart a sneaking glance here and there, looking for help. Your eyes fall upon gleeful looking siblings, who have been through the same ordeal minutes before, escaping unscathed. You turn back, smile uncomfortably, and ask him how he has been doing.

He will, unfailingly, turn out to be the old neighbour-uncle who dandled you on his knee at your maternal grandfather's house when you were five.

Having a very bad memory for voices and and even worse one for faces, I've discovered that the only solution is to pray- for a second call or for Mom :)